The Paradox of Perspective
Conflict, sadly, seems to be a way of life in the modern construction world. Since we know it will occur, wouldn’t it be smart to have a ready-made pathway on which to walk as you seek resolution? What can you do to help deal effectively with conflicts on the jobsite, in the office, at the owners’ meetings, etc.?
Watch Digging Deeper this week as Dennis describes four techniques to help make resolving conflicts more achievable and less contentious. And we’d like to hear what innovative steps you’re taking to help resolve conflicts. Please share your thoughts and comments. Thanks.
Also, please get in touch with Charlotte at ckopp@familybusinessinstitute.com for more details about our Contractor Business Boot Camp program. New cohorts start in Feb. and Apr. 2020. Thank you!
Hello everybody. Thanks for tuning in to Digging Deeper, our blog series, diving into some specific issues in construction.
Hopefully giving you some answers you can take home.
Today, I want to talk about conflict. I think of this mostly I guess as job site conflict. I guess in my experience that's probably
where I've seen most of the serious conflicts happen. But certainly, they happen in the office and they happen on the
phone. Unfortunately, in this world they probably happen a lot by email, which is a terrible place to have conflict, terrible
place to communicate conflict. So, try to avoid that as you can. But I was thinking about a simple thing we used to use in
consulting to talk about conflict and maybe you'll find this helpful.
So, what we have is sort of a stick figure drawing and it's about resolving conflict. So, what we have is two stick figures,
one on each side of a shape. That shape we usually look at as a piece of glass or a mirror. And if you're looking at that
shape from one side it's concave. And of course, if you look at the other person looking at this on the other side, it's
convex. Now just imagine a stupid political conversation that we might have in today's world. But you have one person on
one side saying, "Oh, that's concave." And the other person's saying, "No, that's convex." "Oh, you're stupid. That's
concave. Anybody can see that." And the other person goes, "Huh, you must be crazy. That's convex." Well, who's right?
Well, in this particular case, they're both right from their perspective or their point of view. And I think if you come right
down to the core of conflict, is it's a different perspective, oftentimes on a same situation. You're seeing it one way, the
other person seeing it the other way.
All right, so how do you get past this fact that you do have a different perspective and different perspectives come from
your realm of experience. Even conversations, you think somebody shouting at you and they think they're being calm and
collected. And that's how many of these arguments escalate. So again, how do you solve this problem? How do you solve
this issue? Well, I hate to say it, but there are clues in the Bible and in your religious teachings. So, you've probably heard
the saying, "Well, you've got to walk a mile in their shoes." Well for you to resolve a conflict, you have to understand their
perspective and hopefully they're going to understand your perspective.
Well, how do you get your perspective? Well, as you can see in this diagram, you're on one side there and the other side,
it looks different. You have to get off of your side, walk over. Now on this diagram you can imagine that, but really in an
argument, you have to walk over, you have to leave your side and you have to look at the issue from their perspective.
And you may come with words well like< "Tell me how you're seeing this?" And ask for their perspective, "Why are you
saying what you're saying? Why are you thinking what you're thinking?" Now once you've done that, perhaps you can
invite them over to see your perspective. And again, the words that come with are, "Well, do you mind if I show you what
it looks like from my perspective?"
All right, now boy, this sounds all touchy feely and nice, right, instead of two people shouting at each other over something
silly. But, but really, oftentimes that's what you need to do. You need to get off of your side and you have to think about
it from the other person's perspective and you have to get them off their side to come see your perspective. And you've
probably also heard the saying that people don't care what you know until they know what you care.
So, you show your empathy by your willingness to get off of your side, travel to their side, and see what it looks like from
over there. Then once they know you actually care what they think, they have more willingness to come over and see it
from your side. So, the next time you're caught in a situation where there is a conflict of perspective, you see it one way,
they see it another way, try that simple, simple plan. Get off of your side, see it from theirs, then invite them over to your
side and then see if it isn't much easier to find a resolution.
Again, thanks for tuning into Digging Deeper.
